So, you've decided to be a Creationist and convince people that science is wrong and your favourite god really created the universe in six days out of nothing, and made humans out of dust (or a lump of mud). I bet you're really fed up with scientists and Atheists having all the facts, evidence and logic on their side and with having to make do without any. I bet you really wish you could win just one debate without having to flounce of in righteous indignation, avoid answering questions, needing to resort to abuse and threats, or simply boring the pants off people by repeating questions and ignoring answers until they ignore you.Don't worry. You can win! This is all you need to do.
- Have a list of questions you don't want answered. Check on any Creationist website for these.
- Keep asking these questions over and over but ignore the answers.
- Never be tempted to follow any links or read any books which might be recommended.
- Demand absolute proof for every scientific theory. Never accept it.
- Claim Creationism is proved because it's written about in a book and you believe it.
- Produce random quotes from a religious book and claim that proves it.
- Say that faith is better than evidence so it must be true otherwise you wouldn't believe it.
- Claim to have absolute proof that your god exists. Never produce it because it might be falsifiable.
- Promise that you will produce that proof soon but demand that it be accepted first.
- Refuse to produce the proof because it would be wasted on someone who won't accept it.
- Never say what you would accept as proof of Evolution or the Big Bang in case it's provided.
- Never say what you would accept as falsifying Creationism in case it's provided.
- Never say what testable predictions Creationism makes in case they are tested.
- Never say what the definitive evidence for Creationism is, in case people look for it.
- Never explain why your version of Creationism is better then any other.
- Never explain why, if science is wrong, Creationism should be the only alternative on offer.
- Claim absence of evidence for your god isn't evidence of absence so it must be proof of presence.
- Don't worry about using a computer to argue that science doesn't work.
- When pressed for an answer you don't have, claim you've answered it already.
- Claim the evidence for Creation is 'everywhere' but people won't look at it.
- Complain that no one has ever managed to answer any of your questions.
- Assert that Darwin believed in Intelligent Design.
- Claim that Darwin recanted on his death bed.
- Claim that Darwin was a Communist.
- Say that irreducible complexity proves life is intelligently designed. Avoid technical discussion.
- Assert that Evolution was falsified by science many years ago.
- Claim that the Second Law of Thermodynamics means Evolution is impossible. Avoid discussion.
- Assert that there is no evidence for Evolution.
- Say that Darwin admitted God must have designed eyes.
- State that the Peppered Moths experiment was a fraud.
- State that Coelacanths prove Evolution doesn't happen.
- Claim that all fossils are forgeries made of plaster of Paris.
- Assert that there are no transitional fossils.
- Assert that Evolution has never been seen.
- Don't take any notice of the detailed rebuttals you'll get.
- If needs be, resort to condescension, passive-aggressive threats like saying you'll pray for them, and abuse.
- It's okay to call scientists mad because they usually are from all that reading and learning they do - which is why you should avoid it.
- Never get into technical arguments with real scientists, especially biologists, because you know how they can prove anything they want with facts.
- Tell people they'll burn in Hell if they don't agree with you.
- When you've got through this list just start again. People might have forgotten you had all of your questions answered and arguments refuted.
Those crazy elitist scientists and Godless heathen Atheists won't stand a chance!
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